Let Me Help You, Part III

People often come to me with their troubles; they ask me how they can throw off their chains and experience great joy. I tell them to go home, sit on the sofa and shut up for once. Nobody wants to hear about your troubles, unless your troubles involve Chloe Sevigny or an unusual birthmark. As the NASCAR great, Nathaniel Hawthorne, once said, "Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, will patiently describe your prostate surgery to you in exquisite detail."