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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I Know I'm Right

Usually, when I drink a can of Diet Coke, I drink the whole can without burping. I save up all my burps for the end and then I emit a gorgeous string of approximately 35 to 40 burps of various sizes and shapes. This is not how the Buddhist monks do it, however. They let their burps happen as they happen. They do not try to control the burps. What rises rises and what falls falls, and who are they to corral their gas into one explosive, mind-blowing finale? The rigid reed breaks while the bamboo bends, and all that nonsense. And what of it? Really, I don’t care what the Buddhists do because I know I’m right.

7 Comments:

Blogger vicki said...

That sounds nice. You have almost as many burps as the Burton Memorial Tower has bells in its carillon. Do you do Festive music?

9:31 AM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

No festive belch music – plaintive only. If I want to liven things up, I jump around and clap my hands as I burp. Some day this will get me incarcerated in the nut barn, but no matter. I figure I still have a few good years left.

9:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just drifted to your site. Some of your stuff is too much.... I'm at work and trying to explain why tears are shooting out of my eyes and I'm laughing at my screen!

2:50 PM  
Blogger Afe said...

One time I heard this Buddhist monk fart, just quietly. Then all these other monks attacked and killed him with baseball bats. Then the original monk came back as a lion a few years later and tore them all to shreds. True story.

4:47 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

I used to wonder why they bothered to make caffine-free Diet Coke, but I don't anymore.

8:44 PM  
Anonymous Alexander Graham Bell said...

Once, whilst under a bow tree, that whore of a bitch Mountain Dew caused ME to belch. Dropped an inordinately placed fruit onto my forehead, and subsequently, I invented gravity. My name? Alexander Graham Bell. You'll find me on the Quaker Oats box. Like, actually standing on top of it. Bastards.

3:21 PM  
Anonymous GeorgeBernardBelch said...

It's noted on the 'Crazy uses for Coca Cola' page (http://members.tripod.com/~Barefoot_Lass/cola.html)
that rats cannot belch, so when they drink a can of Coke, they (later) explode.

8:40 AM  

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