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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Top Psychic Nearly Dies; Another Top Psychic to Die Soon

So, what are you doing? I saw a headline that read "Ralph Edwards Dies" and I panicked. I thought they meant John Edward. I'm ok now. Whew. I don't even care about Ralph Edwards, I only care about John Edward. What would I do if John Edward died? It's sad when a psychic dies, but it's not the end of the world. I'd still have James Van Praagh, I suppose, though my mentor Sylvia Brown tells me that he'll die this year, too - just like Ralph:

Sylvia: I'm getting a 'J' name coming through.

Me: J? Do you mean James Van Praagh?

Sylvia: Yes! He's going to die, or be very hurt, or maybe just feel off for a day or two.

Me: James Van Praagh will die?

Sylvia: Yes, and I see a man... holding his neck... I feel that something will happen with his neck, maybe he'll break his neck, or have a brain tumor, or colon cancer...

Me: Will he be squished by an elephant?

Sylvia: Yes. I think so.

Me: Does he have a message for me?

Sylvia: He says your grandmother is looking down at you from heaven. She's very proud of you.

Me: Even though I did time for all those forged checks?

Sylvia: Yes.

Me: It's weird, because both of my grandmothers are alive.

Sylvia: You'll move to a place near water... or you'll travel over water...

Me: I get very thirsty in the office.

Sylvia: Yes. Your grandmother wants you to drink more water.


I have another appointment with Sylvia next Tuesday. I'm hoping she can settle a bet for me. I bet Rafe that Jimmy Stewart had a horn growing out of his left temple and that he kept it filed down and hidden under his hair. Rafe says Jimmy Stewart had a horn growing out of his right temple and that it was made of graham cracker, so all he had to do to hide the horn was break it off and eat it. I'm worried that I'm going to lose this bet.

7 Comments:

Blogger kenju said...

You're both wrong. Jimmy Stewart had a horn growing out of his mouth...oh, wait....that was Tommy Dorsey....Nevermind.

11:03 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

Cripes! I can't believe you took that bet. Haven't you ever heard the song, "Jimmy graham cracker horn and I don't care?"

12:55 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

I believe you are thinking of Bob Hope in "Captain Hornblower," and all the times he blew his nose because it was filled with graham cracker crumbs. Jimmy Stewart was later. Or earlier.

2:10 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

I wish they had a show called America's Next Top Psychic. I can't even begin to describe how super double extra excellent this show would be. I can't even DESCRIBE the show, because it's all so OBVIOUS. The best part about my proposed show is that it would be hosted by Tyra Banks, just like that other one. And they would use the same panel of judges.

2:50 PM  
Blogger Shane said...

Kenju, wasn't that Rock Hudson?

10:41 AM  
Blogger Chemical Billy said...

Would Tyra Banks tell me that I'm going to meet someone tall who will break my heart, and then tell me that I'm not America's Next Top Psychic?

That Tyra's amazing.

5:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your about to learn how to know who you can trust. Remove negative thinking and tarot...Easily see where your life is heading....tarot

1:03 AM  

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