My Poignant Deathbed Scene
I am blessed with abundance and I often get my way. But that is not enough. I'm not going to get into the grimy details. I'm just saying that if I can't have what I want, then I'm going to have to stay in bed and slowly waste away unto death. I mean it - I'm not getting out of bed again ever. Pity, isn't it? The bathroom sink is only feet away, but I will not drink. The fridge is one room over, but I will not eat. I want what I want, and I don't appear to be getting it. So fuck everything! I'm putting on my pajamas right now, and you won't be hearing from me again. Goodbye forever, suckers!
UPDATE: I had to get out of bed to pee, so I thought I'd update. Tedious, wasting away. I also drank another glass of water because I had some salty beef jerky just now. But that is IT. You won't hear from me again. Watch for my obit in the Star Tribune.
UPDATE: Went to the kitchen for another piece of beef jerky. Tasty. I also put a glass of water beside my bed. But after that, NO MORE getting out of bed. I intend to die miserably. I will teach the universe to deny ME what I want. Stupid universe.
UPDATE: If I knew wasting away was this boring, I would have just gone in to the office. I'm going to have a piece of banana bread and file my nails.
UPDATE: I had to get out of bed to pee, so I thought I'd update. Tedious, wasting away. I also drank another glass of water because I had some salty beef jerky just now. But that is IT. You won't hear from me again. Watch for my obit in the Star Tribune.
UPDATE: Went to the kitchen for another piece of beef jerky. Tasty. I also put a glass of water beside my bed. But after that, NO MORE getting out of bed. I intend to die miserably. I will teach the universe to deny ME what I want. Stupid universe.
UPDATE: If I knew wasting away was this boring, I would have just gone in to the office. I'm going to have a piece of banana bread and file my nails.
7 Comments:
Thanks for the inspriation...
I'm as smitten (though maybe not as crazy) as gatsby, and I've proved it.
www.othersideofthestreet.blogspot.com
check it out (please).
Jim
not to put a grim spin on this, but this sort of hideous wasting away is exactly what Terri Schiavo faces if her feeding tube is pulled ... more at Terri's Fight... or (gratuitous plug) at my site, along with lots of other NIF.
/TJ
NIF
Esthie: This is the funniest thing I've read today...no, this week. Please die soon, I can't wait for the posting about it. Surely it will be a riot for everybody except you.
First Hunter S. Thompson now Esther W-P. The good ones always go too soon.
Esther, dear, I hope this doesn't result in another tragic Otto da Fe.
I think you need to have a bottle of medicine next to the bed as well. May I suggest Teachers or White Label. Just in case the water lacks the quenching punch you require.
And a couple of glasses in case I stop by to check up on my patient.
(And you must tell Owain to stop that nonsense. I can hardly hear myself blog what with all his prattling and caring on.)
Thank you all for your support during this difficult time. I've taken the voodoo and Teachers advice to heart. Last night I went to the hardware store and demanded to speak to Papa Legba - but they turned me away because I was "drunk" and "no one by that name works the evening shift."
"Please die soon, I can't wait for the posting about it" ... now that is funny!
/TJ
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