My Plan for a Better Tomarrow

When President Grant awards us a land patent in the Dakota Territory, one of the first things we’re going to do is sell it to someone else. No way are we going to live in a sod house and get laughed at by Indians. Ooh, better idea. We will move west VERY BRIEFLY- just long enough to build a brewery and staff it with nondescript Swedes. Also, let’s build a livery stable, because why not? And let’s take all that money we make and invest in a chain of hair salons and “Old World charm” family-style eateries in and around Peoria. And I will take a larger cut of the profits, because so far, all of the good ideas have been mine.