A Fine How-Do-You-Do

I learned how to knit the other day. I started knitting a red scarf. It's art. That's how good it is so far - it's scarf art. And, in homage to Tracey Emin, I decorated it with the names of all the people I've slept with. I also drank seven Guinness, some pinot noir and a fifth of Skyy and showed up to a TV interview with a black eye. I think. Huh. I can't remember much. Also, I can't seem to find my scarf anywhere.