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Friday, November 18, 2005

What's All This?

Listen everybody, shut up for a minute. Here is a photo from my refrigerator. Ignore the womanly salad dressing for a moment.

People often say to me, "How do you stay so calm in the face of terror and natural disaster? Are you prepared for the inevitable onslaught?" I lead them to my refrigerator and point out my cup of Starbucks tap water. "More prepared than you'll ever be," I say.

While I do not know how this cup of water came to roost in my fridge, I do know that it has been there for several months. The salad dressings appeared circa 2001 CE. I'm saving them for the end times. When it comes to Rapture foods, there are few things I enjoy more than a good fat-free salad.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I cannot even open my fridge. It is sealed with that yellow and black Emergency Services "Caution" tape. Nothing can get in or out.

4:00 PM  
Blogger Shane said...

Esther, I must say that I'm not entirely comfortable with your adjectival use of 'womanly'. It reads as rather frosty.

4:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am entirely comfortable with your adjectival use of "womanly." The salad dressing is not manly. It is definitely womanly. What I'm not comfortable with is the word "frosty." What does that mean? As a tenured professor at a major American university, I am confused to say the least. A "frosty" is a dessert at Wendys, is it not? Delicious!

4:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am comfortable with your use of the word "womanly" and I enjoy the occasional frosty (though I feel they really shouldn't be served in a cup since that only encourages futile attempts to drink them with a straw.) However, I am not entirely comfortable with the use of the word "tenure."

When my professor mentioned to me that he had tenure at the school, my response was, "Big deal, I've nearly been here tenures. Call me when you've got twelvures."

7:41 PM  
Blogger zzzzzzz said...

There are several words in igmar's post with which I am uncomfortable.

"enjoy" "feel" "call me".

Are you hitting on me?

11:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stop hitting on Adolfo!

Oh, why do I feel so alone?

1:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Salad you say? Fat free? I was rather hoping the rapture would involve fried food on sticks. That's what you get if you involve a fuckin sandal wearin' hippy like Jesus. Salad. I am going to search for a religion with a higher cholesterol content, screw this salad shit.

7:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who's Jesus?

8:28 AM  
Blogger kari said...

Guess what I'm watching right now!

"Well, how do you girls like each other?"

9:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why do people hate my sandals?? At least I don't wear socks with them.

Thanks alot Rob and Phillip! INS must have monitored your posts and now I'm being deported again.

9:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So it is in fact not the liberals taking Jesus out of America but INS!

Can one call DSS on INS? I mean deporting wee baby like that... to a politically unstable region... and so close to his birthday. That can't be legal, even if his parents aren't married.

8:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Never mind that, where's my goddamn corndog?

10:15 AM  

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