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Monday, November 14, 2005

No Socks In My Peripherals

I saw a boy on Oprah. He was running his mouth, as you do when you’re on Oprah. He said that if he happens to notice an object in his peripheral vision while he’s watching TV, he has to move the object into another room or he can’t concentrate on his program. "Me too," I thought. "I hate objects in my peripheral vision," I said, and shook my fist at the television. Then I noticed a package of new tube socks in my peripherals. I grabbed that package of socks and hurled it into the kitchen. I was furious! No socks in my peripherals! “NO SOCKS IN MY PERIPHERALS!” I bellowed as I flew into the bookcase, drop-kicked a spider plant and whisked all the rabbit figurines off the hutch. Then I collapsed on the floor in a paroxysm of sobs and shrieks.

Anyway, the boy had obsessive-compulsive disorder or something. I wasn’t really paying attention.

14 Comments:

Blogger Müzikdüde said...

To know that I'm not alone with this affliction is comforting. I too am distracted by...

BRB

3:24 PM  
Blogger Müzikdüde said...

..stuff that catches my attention and draws me away from important things like TV.

Maybe the kid on Oprah should put the tv in a different room so he can concentrate on his periphreal distractions...like homework.

3:25 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

look, a chicken!

Some people need to learn control, don't blame the socks :)

Lovely post, I stopped by via Muzik.

4:11 PM  
Anonymous Phillip, Esther's Sock Analyst said...

Some people need to learn reading comprehension. Nobody's blaming any socks. You're projecting! Insert smiley face here.

If this sounds peevish, keep in mind that I have indigestion.

4:43 PM  
Anonymous Igmar Fillipé said...

Strangely, I cannot watch Oprah unless I have a package of tube sock in my peripherals.

Just don't let my peripherals notice socks while I'm watching an opera, because then I'm liable to go ballistic.

6:56 PM  
Blogger Shane said...

This post has really spooked me. Yesterday, my free range hamsters (Richard and Judy) were larging it. I'd put shandy in their water bottle. With the alcohol flowing, they got a bit racy. This all coincided with afternoon tea. Anyway, just as you were hollering 'No socks in my peripherals' (a fair holler), I found myself screaming, at the hamsters, 'No sex in my profiteroles!'.

But still, they didn't listen. Really ruined some fine confectionery. Not that grandma noticed.

4:28 AM  
Anonymous Rob said...

You got off lightly I'd say. Testosterone & alchohol are a bad mix in humans. A bull hamster's got him some big nuts there - coulda been a lot worse if he'd decided to get shirty with you...

10:54 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

I usually whisk the turtle figurines. Other than that, everything is the same for me, peripherals-wise. I have found it is tough on the spider plants, but my sanity is at sake here.

12:54 PM  
Blogger Arethusa said...

I bet you're a riot to be around. :)

5:21 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

No.

7:21 PM  
Anonymous Cadbury said...

Why were you watching Oprah? Don't you know that The Situation Room is on at the same time? Judge Judy, too. And that's just CNN and the networks. Who knows what you're missing on cable. Laguna Beach? Magnum P.I.?

8:41 PM  
Blogger jkirlin said...

Some people think nothing good comes of glaucoma, but it keeps you from being distracted by stuff in your peripheral vision.

Every night I pray that little boy gets glaucoma so that he can watch TV.

Amen.

P.S. Dear God. The above contained a typo. Not something even more politically incorrect as wishing glaucoma on an annoying little boy. I stand by my original prayer.

Amen again.

8:43 PM  
Blogger seeingdouble said...

Hey, Muzik told me to come here. I always do what the people in my computer tell em to do. Hi!!
I wonder if that little boy will be able to drive. "AHHHHH!! The trees in my peripheral vision!! Stop the insanity!!"

1:12 PM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

http://www.muzikdude.com/ this dude sent me here. Dunno why. But I enjoyed this post of yours.

2:24 PM  

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