I Am Not

Anonymous posits that I am not Esther Wilberforce-Packard, but Cybill Shepherd. Preposterous. Why do you insult me?! What have I ever done to deserve this abuse, Anonymous? I mean besides getting you fired, ruining your credit, and infecting your loved ones with the Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever? What have I ever done?

You need to ask the Lord’s forgiveness, because you won’t be getting mine, unless you give me the title to your sailboat. I am going to rename your sailboat “Sweet Trooper Boopie Swee,” and I will sail it near and far, as far as the eye can sail.