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Thursday, December 09, 2004

Some Call It Clairvoyance; I Call It Business As Usual

My stats are all broken. Now I can't tell if Wild Bill Hickok is reading Topic Drift or not. I love that guy. Shooting stuff from the back of a horse! GET OUT! That is SO GREAT!

Here at Topic Drift, we appreciate our dead readers. And we appreciate our living readers as well - but they'll be dead soon enough, no worries. The dead love Topic Drift, and here's what the dead have to say about it:

"I love it, love it, love it. I love it so much I want to get its seeds, grow more, harvest it, throw it all over the saloon floor and roll in it. Then I want to have sex with it. Then I want to buy it a drink." -Calamity Jane

"Pure." -Sylvia Plath

"Well, I've just died, and I have a ton of paperwork to finish. I haven't really had a chance to read Topic Drift yet. Soon, though." -Donald Justice

"Complete nonsense. And yet something compels me to read it - something... otherworldly. Burn her." -Cotton Mather

"Esther and I have been together for generations. We're soul mates, and we're often reincarnated together. I love her dearly. Nothing she types can rub me ill. I love her dearly." -Ulysses S. Grant

"Esther is proof positive that my policies regarding non-incarceration of the mentally ill work magnificently. Could she type such a terrific blog from a loony-toon dungeon? I doubt it!" -Dorothea Dix

"Good. Gods feet! She types the things we're all thinking." -Elizabeth I

"I don't read it, and I'm not making any excuses about that." -Malcolm X

"I built Esther up, and I can tear her down. But why would I tear her down? Topic Drift is one of the reasons I wake up every morning. Hell, it's the reason we all get up every morning." -Huey Long

"You know, I'm not dead yet. But I sure do enjoy Topic Drift." -Gerald Ford


Blogger Jenny said...

Hello Esther,

I love Topic Drift too.

I also love that the title puts me in mind of the obscure English confection. Drifting.

2:46 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

Thank you. I trust that eight cases of Topics will be shipped to my office immediately. Given the ass-ridiculous exchange rate, this should be no problem for you. Am I right? Eh? Eh?

3:02 PM  
Blogger Megan McMillan said...

And all this time, I've thought I was visiting Hot Topic. I've been meaning to complain about the customer service here. I ordered that hoochie-mama getup ages ago, and I still haven't received it in the post.

1:06 PM  

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