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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

They Shall Beat their Hand Socks into Plowshares

Just ate a Reese’s peanut butter cup. I must warn you, though: I’m thinking of buying some mittens. It’s only October and I’m already tired of wearing socks on my hands. Sooner or later, one must take responsibility for one’s hand coverings - or risk looking silly.



Franz Mehring: Marxist Wild Man and Bearded Choking Bore;
Never replaced his provisional hand socks with proper mittens. Looked silly.

8 Comments:

Anonymous (the late) Shari Lewis said...

Silly?? I lived my entire life without mittens, and had no regrets. I did talk to my hand socks quite a bit, but it paid quite handsomely and I don't think anyone noticed my lips moving.

8:42 PM  
Anonymous Rob said...

You overpriviliged bastards! My life is a constant struggle to gain an adequate supply of foot socks.
Hands! WARM HANDS? Where was I when the hand-socks were being dished out eh?

5:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do you suppose that gentleman is warming his other hand?

Why, I am sure it is with a sock. "A rich man with socks on his hands", you say,"Oh, please, he was probably awarded mittens free with the lovely three piece wool suit that he is wearing, so his right hand MUST be mittened."

However, this gentleman did research and found that socks are more effective than mittens because they have experience. They perform all year long, while mittens sit in a cedar chest 8 months out of the year.

You keep wearing those socks.

12:31 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

That's really strange. Did you know Immanuel Kant but Hitler Could? Knit socks, I mean, of course.

1:13 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

Why does everyone keep talking about socks? This post is about war.

11:32 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

And not just any war, either; it's about class war.

11:34 PM  
Blogger Adolfo Velasquez said...

When I was a small child in Cuba, mittens were censured as a tool of the bourgeois to further exploit the workers. It's a tropical island, of course, but still, we spent our time sewing colorful, elaborate, even celebratory, socks of all descriptions. Such fond memories I have of this.

The colorful sock craze quickly migrated to the United States in the form of those glittery, striped monstrosities that we’ve all seen from pictures of the Disco Era. It is a little known historical fact that much of Disco Culture had its roots in Communist Cuba.

10:42 AM  
Anonymous Norma Sanchez said...

Aldofo's comment brought back my own not-so-fond memories of being repressed by the bourgeois back in the heyday of Disco. Every week I would wait for days and days to get into Studio 54 only to be turned away because my socks were not colourful enough. I finally gave up and headed south to the Free Republic of Cuba in Miami where they will gladly sell espresso to anyone, except of course communists.

3:54 AM  

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