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Tuesday, January 11, 2005

It Would Break My Heart If Mrs. Bush Were a Joan Crawford-Caliber Lunatic

Laura Bush has chosen her inaugural gown, and I for one hope she's content with her decision. What if she is later struck with frenzied remorse? What if she rips the gown from her closet, shakes it in the face of the cowering maid-of-all-work and shrieks, "LOOK AT THIS, JUST LOOK AT THIS DREADFUL PIECE OF SACKCLOTH! I AM A DIMINISHED WOMAN! Who saw me in this cloth?! Who saw? Who saw? We must find them and remove their tongues! Vile tongues! NO MAN MUST EVER SPEAK OF THIS ABOMINATION AGAIN! I AM RUINED!" And then, of course, she beats the poor maid-of-all-work with a bottle of carpet shampoo. I think it would break my heart if Mrs. Bush were a Joan Crawford-caliber lunatic.


Blogger Chris Cope said...

I am sure Laura will be the prettiest lady at the ball. Any possible other contenders for that title have already been shipped to Guantanamo and are presently being forced to have sex with a Rhesus monkey.

12:34 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

Why are you so jaded? And why are you trying to force nasty Google hits on me? If I get a single Google hit because of your imprudent choice of words, I will erase your comment and cut you off without a penny. That goes for Yahoo hits as well.

It's not a matter of being the prettiest at the ball, it's a matter of being comfortable in your ball gown. Does the gown ride up and create bizarre gown pouches or folds? That is what I would be concerned about, and I'm sure Mrs. Bush shares my concern. We are a lot alike, Mrs. Bush and me. For example, we both used to smoke cigarettes occasionally. And we both believe that orphans ought to be taught to read.

1:04 PM  

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