I Eat Poison and Dream of The Old Middle West

I just woke up after attempting to sleep off what I presume to be mild food poisoning, so now I will describe to you my poison dream. It is sure to knock your socks off. Go put on socks.

I was in a Little House On the Prairie-style reality show. It was realistic and spooky, and the camera crew did not protect us from grizzly bears. What blew the experience for me was that we still had televisions - they were built into the cabin walls, and they ran only Little House On the Prairie-type programing. One day a grizzly bear loitered outside the cabin and a cell-phone tower collapsed near me. I had an unusual bruise on my leg, and someone pointed to a roll of skin and said,"All the dudes like to use that for their bruises - it's the closest thing to real skin." I washed my hands in the sink next to the roll of skin, and then picked up the skin. She was right, very good skin. Then I was in the cabin bar watching a western, and it occurred to me to ask what year this was supposed to be. "What year is this?!?" I demanded of the others. Just then, of course, the phone rang and woke me up.