The Future Is Now

Now that it is permissible to capitalize on the names of private citizens, I say we integrate Mary Cheney into our lives in ways she never dreamed possible. I say we utilize her name and image on partyware, camping equipment, novelty bicycle license plates, college-ruled Mead notebooks, windshield sun deflectors, frozen entrees, checkbook covers, Precious Moments figurines, temporary tattoos, Tiger Beat posters, banana decals, etc. And let’s rename the Seminoles “The Fightin’ Marys.” I don’t know why we should do any of this. I just know that we need to get this done quickly, before our window of opportunity slams shut.