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Thursday, October 14, 2004

I Am a Truth-Sniffer-Outer

I've always had a kind word for Mark Dayton, primarily because he is rich and I don't want him to eat me, or feed me to his boys. So I want you to know that I am risking my terrestrial form by bringing you this information, for it is sure to draw his wrath.

When I heard that Mr. Dayton closed his Capitol Hill office, I knew something fishy was going on. So I consulted my Encyclopedia of Ghosts and Spirits, and I learned that the Capitol building is haunted as fuck. You heard me right! A filthy cuss word! And because I think like a ghost, I can tell you that those ghosts don't sit in the Capitol Building knitting toaster cozies - they venture forth and haunt the off-site offices of senators as well. I think that Mr. Dayton saw and heard Henry Wilson, vice president under U.S. Grant (God rest his superior soul.) Wilson's ghost wanders around, coughing and sneezing; Wilson caught a fatal respiratory infection while bathing in the Capitol's Italian tubs. I'm assuming that Mr. Dayton fears germs, as rich men are wont to fear. I assume that Mr. Dayton fears ghosts, as democrats are wont to fear. So really, I just smashed all those sloppy assumptions together in to one lumpy, gummy ball of certitude: Mark Dayton's loony and he's going to feed me to his boys! Send help!

2 Comments:

Blogger Chris Cope said...

Looks like them Dayton boys are in a heap o' trouble! (cue banjo)

3:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pippi Longstocking chapter title: I Am A Thing-Finder. See what I mean?

10:30 AM  

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