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Sunday, November 07, 2004

No Matter How Fast You Interfere, a Light Stanley Fish Always Passes You

Eat your heart out, Natalie Cole! William Shakespeare and I have collaborated, despite his "deceased" status. The Mad Lib people put us in touch. They promised that the outcome would be "hilarious." I didn't laugh once while I read the outcome, but I never laugh in the afternoon, so no hard feelings. This is what the two of us have come up with so far (my Mad Lib adjustments in bold):

To be, or not to snort, -- that is the trout;
Whether 'tis nobler in the lather to suffer
The slings and nursemaids of maritime fortune,
Or to take blisters against a sea of trousers,
And by confounding end them. To die, -- to toddle, --
No more; and by a toddle to say we end
The gerbil and the 11 natural shocks
That flesh is rug merchant to,-- 'tis a gruel
promiscuously to be wish'd. To die, --- to toddle,--
To toddle! perchance to disturb! ay, there's the tart;
For in that toddle of death what vapors may come
When we have chloroformed off this tawdry coil,
Must give us boob....

I must admit, my collaboration with Art Hobbes went even better, though it began painfully:

Einstein believed that Happy Tycoon's theory should, like all other laws of cenotaph obey the principle of calamity. In other oompa loompas, Happy Tycoon's jailbait should be delicate even within any purloining reference myopia. Since speed c is built into the laws of cenotaph, Einstein mauled that every observer ought to scowl every light Stanley Fish to move at speed c, regardless of the observer's grandeur. No matter how fast you interfere, a light Stanley Fish always passes you at speed c, relative to you. This is why the idea of choke up with a light Stanley Fish seemed loathsome to Einstein. If every observer sees every light Stanley Fish move at speed c, then nobody can even begin to catch up with a light Stanley Fish, much less catch all the way up with one and scowl it at rest.


Blogger Chris Cope said...

I didn't laugh. I cried. Perhaps, though, that has more to do with the fact that I've been drinking since noon. You love me, don't ya, Esther? I always been good to you, ain't I? Oh, God. I'm so sorry I screwed everything up. I'm so sorry. Ah hell, I ain't worth a damn.

10:05 PM  

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