P, You Could Have Left Us a Voicemail Or Something

In the old days, we were sort of like a "posse," you know: me, Colin Powell, Moose, Stooley, and Toonces. But for the past four years, we've been all, "Where's P?" We used to call him P, see. So we'd be all, "Where's P?" And Moose would say, "I think he got one of those govermit jobs." As it so happens, Moose was correct. Colin did have a government job. And sure, he sent Stooley half of the rent each month, so Stooley didn't get kicked out of his place. Stooley's been using P's bedroom to store his hockey equipment and the recycling. What I'm wondering is, why did we need to find out about P on the news? Why didn't P TELL US that he got a government job, and why didn't he call us when he quit that job? And why is Stooley still delivering pies for a living, when his roomie has been on salary all this time? Dude, P should have paid ALL of Stooley's rent! You don't just run off without a word, leaving your old friends in the lurch! We crashed Homecoming together! Class of '86! Toonces dated P's sister for two months! We have a history together! Dude, P! CALL US! (MOOSE HAS HALO 2!!!)