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Tuesday, June 28, 2005



Just wait until I find out who left this mess on my floor! Milk spilled on the sofa - feces on the wainscoting - bananas everywhere! The cleaning lady won't be back for a week, and I have guests arriving any minute! Not just any guests, either, but guests from the groves of academe. And who drank all the rum? Sheesh, WHAT IS GOING ON?


I knew it!


It was that no-good Baby Monkey! Trashed my house and passed out in his bananaskin hammock, he did! It's a good thing my guests stood me up, because they would have been appalled by this mess. Also, I'm out of rum and the guest room smells like unwashed baby primate. Try getting that smell out of the drapes, peoples! Ha! Not going to happen!


Anonymous beautifulatrocities said...

He must have gone to Pride, because those sinister red devices to blow up your scrotum like basketballs were the rage this year

8:57 PM  
Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

How adorable! Where can I buy a Baby Monkey? I am williing to pay good money.

12:12 AM  
Blogger Adolfo Velasquez said...

To spirit fingers:

Although you may purchase baby monkeys on many places of the internets, I recommend you avoid the troublesome legal paperwork and drive yourself to Tijuana, Mexico. They have the great selections at the most affordable prices. And the parties, they never stop.

8:27 AM  
Blogger Shane said...

Esther, this is a rich vein of blogging form. Give my regards to the baby monkey, when he sobers up.

9:36 AM  
Blogger Bleak Mouse said...

Yeah, cute.

Look, you've got a serious problem here, and all of the "oh isn't he adorable?" remarks aren't going to change a thing.

Baby Monkey needs some serious discipline, stuffed-animal therapy, and a daily dose of Ritalin. I've seen this sort of behavior before, and it never ends well.

I know from experience. These antics won't long be confined to home. Rubber Duck is doing a ninety-day stretch for creating a public disturbance; we're just lucky he didn't kill somebody. And Little Elephant assaulted Gina Giraffe from down the street, who was kind enough to drop charges after I paid her a hefty sum.

I blame myself.

10:07 AM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

I am impressed by your ability to take pictures of toys and turn it into something hilarious and arty.

12:46 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

If you get yourself a nice anaconda, you won't have monkey business to worry about any more. Anacondas also can be trained to give hugs to people, sometimes not platonically.

1:10 PM  
Blogger R. L. Allison said...

There are those who would say the only appropriate punishment for the juvenile primate is to be peeled alive and entombed in a cask of banana mush. But I wouldn’t know such people. Really.

What are you staring at?

3:50 PM  
Anonymous Spiro Agnew said...

Keep your dunken monkey away from typewriters. The last time they got a hold of one they wrote a script for a Ben Afleck movie. I speak from experience

6:53 AM  
Blogger JPatrick said...

You'd better file this to the desk of these people:


They'll know what to do.

5:25 PM  
Blogger Adolfo Velasquez said...

Oh, I come here for the cheering up and to be staying awake, yet I find no new writings.

I have just seen Tom Cruise in the bouncing and telling us about "body Thetans" and the evil alien lord Xenu, and I need the friendly words. I am fearful that Xenu may place these "body Thetans" in the ears while I sleep.

On to other blogs, as they say.

12:19 AM  
Blogger vicki said...

Here because Hoss votes yes to Esther and three minutes into your posts I can see why. Funny, bad, smart- this is fun!

4:30 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I came via Old Hoss. He says you're funny, and he's right! Punish that monkey!

Hope your July 4th holiday was a goodie!
Hope that smell is gone by now. Gross!

12:50 AM  
Blogger jonny-no-stars said...

Are you related to the chemistry set I was always promised but never received?

4:30 AM  

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