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Thursday, June 09, 2005

Stetson! You Who were with Me in the Ships at Mylae! Oi, You Never Call Anymore!

Normally, I am opposed to change. Lately, however, I have been wondering why nothing ever changes. Perhaps I need to get out more often. Leaving the compound thrice annually isn't cutting it anymore. I need a raison d'etre - a real leg-breaker. A real back-thwacking leg-breaking raison d'etre. A real horn-swaggling mirror-fogging back-thwacking leg-breaking fly-swatting shirt-sorting raison d'etre. Perhaps I should take up The Honorable Art of Quilting. I would rather die alone at sea than construct a quilt with my own hands, but I suppose I could give it a go. Strictly for the sake of change. In case you were wondering, I have already eliminated the idea of learning The Honorable Art of Knife Throwing, as I am deathly afraid of knives. As I always say, if there is anything more frightening than a knife lurking in the voluminous folds of a homemade quilt, I cannot visualize it.

Update: Perhaps a tiny knife-wielding, quilt-swaddled monkey lurking within the ornate bas-relief handle of a larger knife would be more frightening than a single knife lurking within the voluminous folds of a homemade quilt. But really, I don't like to think about it.


Blogger Chris Cope said...

I feel like crap for not visiting. I really need to get my own car.

10:17 AM  
Blogger Adolfo Velasquez said...

Oh, The Honorable Art of Quilting it is not so bad. My dearest mother was quite fond of The Honorable Art of Quilting. That is, before the dear sweet woman she drowned alone at sea.

4:46 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

O wily Blogland, with the subterfuge gigantica lurking in every crevice - not unlike the tiny monkey in the handle of the sharpest knife. Adolfo, you have given yourself(s) away.

5:27 PM  
Blogger Old Horsetail Snake said...

This is good: When Spiro Agnew was cock-blocking around the country for Nixon, rattling about "nattering nabobs of negativism," Oregon Gov. Tom McCall made comments that Spiro was "bumbling about the country with a knife in his shawl."

5:50 PM  
Anonymous Laura said...

I'm never going to get under the quilt again without checking for maddened monkeys.
thank you Esther, now the children won't sleep at night either..

6:55 AM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I'm shivering at the thought!
Knives & Monkeys!!! Oh the horror!

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm ...

7:08 PM  
Blogger Adolfo Velasquez said...

Dear sweet pope in a bottle, do not make me go into hiding again. The dishonesty, she is too much for me to bear.

10:02 AM  

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