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Monday, January 09, 2006

Disgraceful Enthusiasm in the Heartland

Word has it that in some parts of America, a salutatory “How are you?” doesn’t really mean “How are you?” but simply “Hello,” or “Hey,” - and that in Minnesota when you greet people with an innocuous “How are you?” they will fling wide the gates of dignity with a hearty “SAY! I’M doing just FINE! HOW ARE YOU?”

So… how do I proceed when someone from, I don’t know, let’s say Jersey City, asks, “How are you?” Hmm. It’s a risky enterprise. I don’t want to look foolish in front of Jersey City citizenry– that much is certain. I don’t want Jersey City Man to think I’ve never set foot outside of the tri-state area. In fact, I’ve been to Canada on two occasions. Doesn’t matter, though. I guess I want what everyone wants: I want the citizens of New Jersey to believe that I am just as sophisticated as they are. And I want it in writing.

Will let you know when this happens.


Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Just for laughs, assume you say to Jersey City Man: "How are you?" He will say: "What's it to you?" Thus making the point he is far more sophisticated than you can ever hope to be.

2:32 PM  
Blogger kenju said...

Actually, the Jersey City man would likely say "Are you tawkin' to me?"

9:18 PM  
Blogger Chemical Billy said...

I can never aspire to the sophistication of those swells in Jersey City. But my dad is from Camden, so that's got to count for something.

11:03 PM  
Anonymous triticale said...

Here in Milwaukee it's "How's it going?" I nonplus people by answering "sideways".

7:44 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

This can never be. All citizens of Jersey City know the territory west of the Passaic River is inhabited by savages and those foolish enough to risk being attacked by them.

6:56 AM  

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