He Burns the Jungle for No Reason

I have never read The Heart of Darkness.  I have opened the book several times, and every time the words "cruising yawl" reach my retinas I snap the book shut and return it to the shelf with such speed and fury that the walls shudder and the cats scatter in three directions.  I haven't the patience to sit through Apocalyse Now, either, and for this failure I am regularly excoriated by strangers and chums alike.  If you are like me, and bless your exquisite, bloated heart if you are, this site is the answer to none of your prayers, because you never knew to pray for such a thing.  You're welcome.