This One's For the Ladies

No amount of ram-sacrifice or idolater-slaying will lift the plague on the term “bimonthly.” Does it mean twice a month? No. Does it mean every two months? No. It means that every tomfool or dictionary I consult has a different effing answer for me. This naturally raises a sensitive issue: are the triumphs of medical science destroying natural selection and ruining our chances of evolving into gigantic, sexy, emotionless brainpods with wheels for legs? Maybe. And, since I am obviously opposed to the progress of medical science, does that mean that I want all asthmatics to die preventable deaths? Hell, no! Not the asthmatics I know! But all those asthmatics who’ve made no attempt to get to know me? Eh.

Why do birds suddenly appear every time I am near? The answer is simple: I am a one-stop bupkis shop.