INTERROBANG PICNIC ?!

Do you ever panic? I do. That's why no one invites me over for tea anymore. I'm perched on the sofa, I'm fine, I'm chirpy as all get out, and POCKHH! PANIC! Tea splattered everywhere! Table overturned, vases shattered, hostess cowering behind the DVD tower! Because did I LOCK MY FRONT DOOR?!?! DID THE CATS GET OUT?!? DO I HAVE A CAVITY?! DID SOMEONE STEAL MY MAIL?!? WAS I SECRETLY SCHEDULED TO WORK TODAY?! DID I USE A WORD THAT HAS A DOUBLE MEANING, AND NOW I'M A RACIST?!? IS SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE WRITING CHECKS ON MY ACCOUNT?!? IS THAT GUY FOLLOWING ME?!? I HAVEN'T LOOKED AT MY PASSPORT IN A MONTH, COULD SOMEONE HAVE STOLEN IT?!? SHOULD I BE MAKING SMALL TALK?!? DID I DROP MY KEYS IN THE STREET?!? DO I HAVE FOOD POISONING?!?! OI, IS THAT A LUMP?!? WHY DOES THAT CAR KEEP DRIVING BY?!? WHAT IS THAT NOISE, IS SOMEONE IN THE BASEMENT?!? WHERE DID I LEAVE THAT NASTY LETTER?!? IS SOMEBODY ON TO ME??! AM I GETTING SUNBURNED?!? AM I OUT OF COFFEE?!? ARE THE DEAD WATCHING US?!? OH MY GOD, IS MY PHONE BILL OVERDUE?!?

I'm never invited back, no matter how much cash I leave behind for repairs and clean-up.