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Saturday, January 01, 2005


They say that God never closes a door without opening a window and letting in a cloud of fuel exhaust, and New Year’s Eve provided no exception to this elegant maxim. I was despondent after discovering that the Home Shopping Network was not vending any macabre dolls this New Year's Eve. Fortunately, TCM aired ABBA: The Movie. Thirty years of icy soul-detritus melted away as I lived ABBA: The Movie. The scales fell from my eyes and I cast myself upon the mercy of ABBA: The Movie. I threw down my crutches and walked! I offered praise to my maker! I repented my sins and deplored my natural iniquity! Then I finished my champagne, crawled into my roach motel and slept like a baby. It was the sleep of roaches. Wait, I mean angels! It was the sleep of angels.


Blogger kari said...

bringing in the new year with the glory that is ABBA... i tried to think of an ABBA lyric that would adequately describe my feelings about the new year.
then when all i could remember was bits and pieces of a variety of songs, i looked online at ABBA lyrics, hoping to come up with something.
not a bit. i have failed you, yet again. hmmm....

5:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh so simple. There is always an Abba lyric waiting to be found. The Nordic Bards speak to all human emotions. The correct lyric in this case, New Year's Eve, would be "Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight."

7:56 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

The reason Abba are so good is that one of them is the result of a Nazi experiment to breed perfect children. This is actually true.

11:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But isn't the same true for most Swedes?

12:44 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

Well, I’m a partial Swede, or, as they refer to it on Capitol Hill, a “partial-birth Swede,” and I can say that yes, partially, we are all perfect Nazi-enhanced children. We are ashamed of this, which is why never smile or speak to strangers. Or maybe that’s just me.

1:38 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

This post has been introduced by the author in order to note her dissatisfaction with Blogger’s inability to recognize and eradicate double-posted comments without drawing attention to the mistake and disturbing the gestalt of her otherwise unblemished comments field. In addition, the author hates signing in every time she wants to comment on her own blog. The author also happens to hate celery, though she does not hold that against Blogger at this time.

3:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should hold your dislike of celery against Blogger. Look at the logo. Does this not look like the business end of a stick of celery? Everytime you use Blogger the Blogger celery is showing you its arse. I find that quite rude. Perhaps when you redesign your banner you will erradicate any images of celery arse from your site. Also, include a picture of an Ewok. Preferably the one with the pug nose. You know which one I mean, the one that doesn't smell or have sticky fur. Although, if you can identify a Nazi-enhanced-Swedish Ewok, that would be cool as well.

5:22 PM  

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