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Friday, April 15, 2005

More Mail

Today I received a mangled package of vacuum cleaner parts from Flavian. He scribbled the following on the package: "Not safe for me to have these in Haiti. Please put in safety deposit box at bank. XOXO" What? Ridiculous. Besides, they're Dirt Devil parts, and I know for a fact he has an Oreck. "Oreck - I'd be satisfied with nothing less," he told me one dark night - a very dark night. He was drunk when he admitted that, but I had the impression that he really believed it. Perhaps I was naive.


Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

But he sends hugs and kisses, so what else can you do but comply? (Although I think under the mattress would work just as well.)

5:36 PM  
Anonymous jeff said...



9:34 AM  
Anonymous Flavian said...

Tut-tut, my doubting crumpet, I do fear all those composting fumes have rudely affected your memory. Of all things Oreck, I did in fact swear my undying emnity during the bout of intoxication in question; I have yet to chance by a model of that outfit's that could suck its way out of a paper bag.

Now won't you be a good girl and run along to the bank as I'd indicated? And please, none of this under-the-mattress stuff -- I have probable cause to fear the dangers of having those specific Dirt Devil parts in one's personal possession may not continue to be confined to these Haitian shores for very long.


4:00 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

How dare you call yourself Flavian! You are forever on my shitlist! Flavian has extreme Chorophobia and, due to a particularly grisly computer-lab country line-dancing accident, associates computer technology with dancing horror. He would never comment on this blog! Your effrontery astounds.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

Jeff - WTF indeed. And what is "articale?" Some sort of Swedish vegetable-grain hybrid? More importantly, what in the name of all that is sacred would a "harder-edged version of Westlife" sound like? I shudder to think.

10:52 PM  
Blogger Shane said...

Re the message that you received from Flavian, I fear that 'XOXO' was, rather than 'hugs and kisses', the transcription of a man choking - pronunciation: az-och-zo. But I may be wrong. Perhaps the absence of a method by which a choked man would post a package is where my theory falls down. Perhaps.

10:53 AM  
Anonymous Kate said...

According to the current Southeby's catalogue, what you're holding from Flavian could be worth about a million dollars (estimate is from $700k to $900k) so perhaps the BANK isn't such a bad idea: http://search.sothebys.com/jsps/live/lot/LotDetail.jsp?&lot_id=4F44S

1:42 PM  
Blogger Bleak Mouse said...

It's rather late to be posting a comment. Just as well, I suppose.

11:44 PM  
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9:25 AM  

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