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Sunday, July 10, 2005

There are Starving Kids in Africa Who Would Die for a Chance to Eat Your Extra Guitar

"I could live here [San Francisco]. Either here or Paris. But the exchange rate here is so good, I can get two guitars for the price of one. One to smash and one to keep." - Sergio Pizzorno, Kasabian

Prodigal. Who initiated the venerable rock-show guitar-smashing tradition? Was it that tiresome souse from The Who? Perhaps it was Stone Phillips, or Father Time. I don’t care. Don’t even know why I brought it up.

P.S. Kindly refrain from mentioning The Who in the comments. My loathing of The Who knows no limits. My loathing is so intense that it could burn a man of science – even if he stood behind another scientist and wore standard safety equipment, e.g., goggles and a lead apron.


Blogger JPatrick said...

All I'll say is that it's fine by me for you to dislike them because they're certainly not a part of MY g-g-g-generation...

3:28 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

Right, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You’re banned from my comments, you incorrigible moron. You’re also banned from my other personal website (www.foxnews.com), Applebee’s Neighborhood Grill & Bar (Knollwood Mall and Shakopee locations), and the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. If you ever comment like this again, I shall Google a Yiddish insult AND USE IT AGAINST YOU. Thin ice, my son.

3:56 PM  
Anonymous Cranky said...

Would you care to comment on the shoebox full of letters from you that were discovered in Roger Daltrey's iron lung?

6:48 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

In September of 1990 Mr. Daltrey and I had a series of altercations regarding a maple tree that straddled the property line between his moonshine shack and my newly planted Victory Garden. I wanted that tree gone, you understand, as it was blocking the sun. Mr. Daltrey insisted on keeping the tree intact because it was "a beautiful reminder of what trees can do" and "wouldn't harm a hair on my head." We corresponded, yes - but it was not pretty. Oh, it was not pretty.

7:10 PM  
Blogger JPatrick said...

Darn, Geraldo and Irresist-A-Bowls in one blow. Well... fine.

9:50 PM  
Blogger Bleak Mouse said...

I believe it was Segovia who was the innovator of the guitar-smashing tradition. Some say this behavior dated from his impoverished youth, when his lean-to hut was overrun with snakes and spiders; others say it was merely delirium tremens. John Williams attempted to adapt Segovia's guitar-smashing technique, usually during a snoozy Scarlatti transcription; he never managed more than ten dollars worth of damage. He finally gave it up when during a prestigious concert Sabicas ran up on stage and shattered his 18th-century guitar to bits while shreiking imprecations. The entire instrument-shattering tradition came to a close during an Arthur Fiedler pops concert, during which Fiedler fell off the podium and a bassoonist attacked a cellist, reducing that instrument to matchsticks before the harpsichord continuo was thrown at his head. Audience panic ensued. Many died. Strict laws were passed. Speeches were made. But have we not once again traded time-honored traditions for piddling considerations of public safety? (Fortunately, a legal loophole left guitar-burning perfectly acceptable.)

9:38 AM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

When I worked for Clean Water Action, one of my fellow canvassers insisted that I look like Daltrey. I quit the job at the end of the week.

10:57 AM  
Anonymous stephenesque said...

I remember seeing Roger Daltrey in the "Beggar's Opera", he was actually quite good. Then I saw Pete Townshend in the news, he had been very, very bad.
Oh, and I saw the boring bass player one in the obituaries. He was dead.

11:14 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

The whom?

5:49 PM  
Blogger Bleak Mouse said...

No, What's on second.

4:46 AM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

See, on first base is Hu -- Samuel Hu -- and you're probably not familiar with that name because his grandfather was Chinese. And on second base is Hector Watt, W-A-T-T Watt, and that's not so unusual because James Watt invented the steam engine.

10:50 AM  
Anonymous Kristy said...

So how do you feel about Pete Townsend solo?

10:18 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

You're banned.

5:00 PM  

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