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Sunday, September 04, 2005

Stupid Crappy

Today I put on dungarees, a Western shirt and a gigantic foam Stetson. I wanted to show the world that I support the work of COWBOYS. Nobody said a word! Nobody said, “I say, you’re certainly showing your support for cowboys today, aren’t you?” or “If everybody wore Western attire, maybe we wouldn’t have so many heartbroken cowboys,” or “What a wonderful idea, wearing a Western shirt to support our destitute cowboys.” When I told Fat Old Molly that nobody seemed to notice my obvious support of cowboys, she shook her head and gestured with her tabaccy pipe. “You’re an idiot,” she said. Then she poked the pipe into her teeth and turned back to her word-search puzzle.

Fucking hell, I just want everyone to be happy.

Update: I set fire to my Stetson. Now the third-floor library is full of smoke and my Western shirt smells like burnt foam.


Anonymous Elkie Schmitling said...

Were you wearing a cowboy flag pin on your lapel? You know that's the only way people can tell if you really support cowboys.

I will send you mine, but please don't step on it in the dark. I did that once and I had to get a tetanus shot, but only because the cowboy flag pin is all rusty.

11:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Filling your third floor library with smoke may actually be beneficial
to the longevity of the books. I think smoke has anti-fungal qualities
and might see off bookworms. I feel sure that my ground floor ephemera
and book collection has benefitted enormously from the heavy smoking of
my lodger.
Bees however just tend to have a kip for a while if they encounter a
smoky situation. They probably deserve a rest, they work so hard.

John :)

8:58 AM  

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