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Thursday, July 27, 2006

Blog Hiatus Update

Just checking up on my blog hiatus. So far so good. Superficially, everything is fine, but what you probably didn't know is that I just ate a few apple seeds - accidentally - so I may die at any time. That reminds me of a story:

Once, when I was worried that someone would find my money, I taped it under the sofa and forgot about it. Later, when I traded that sofa for a new sofa, I forgot to transfer my taped money to the new sofa. When I found the guy who had my money sofa, I told him I forgot my leg medicine in the cushions and could he please let me find my leg medicine. He said sure, so I retrieved my money and got out of there.

But that's not all. I also use the leg medicine story to get free admission to the state fair. Every year I tell the admissions guy that I left my leg medicine at the root beer stand. "I need that medicine to live," I tell him. One year, when the state fair guy got wise and asked me why I take leg medicine, I told him I don't take leg medicine, and then I punched him in the face. Then I sprinted past the other ticket guys and bought myself a scotch egg. The trick is to eat the scotch egg while it's hot - it's no good when it's cold.

5 Comments:

Blogger Ivan the Terrible said...

Fortunately, the humble scotch egg is also a sterling remedy for any and all varieties of leg ailments. So you're covered in the case of discovery and arrest by the State Fair Fraud Police.

I love it when a plan comes together.

1:07 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

You are correct. Leg medicine is not "taken", it is "applied". Much in the same way a cold scotch egg is applied in a dust bin.

10:33 PM  
Anonymous Kristy said...

Me, I like the scones at the state fair. While they're hot. If you're going to punch out somebody to get to them, no sense waiting around for them to cool.

8:43 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

I am happy to hear that the hiatus is going well. Please send me a post card from Cambodia (this seems to be where all college professors go on hiatus, at least).

1:27 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

I hate it here in Cambodia. It's too far away from the action. And by action, I mean Long John Silver's. Christ, they haven't even a simple Arthur Treacher's here. Would it kill someone to bread and fry a piece of cod for me? Would it kill you, Cambodia? I would like to know who it would kill. I would like to kill, it turns out. Oh, killing. Killing, I know you used to do nice things for me, but what have you done for me lately? I hate it here in Cambodia. It's too far away from the action. And by action, I mean Long John Silver's. Christ, they haven't even a simple-

10:59 PM  

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