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Monday, August 13, 2007

Monday Afternoon

What is that woman's name? I can't remember. She's excessively white and foreign, and she was in that movie about being dead and hysterical. In real life she was married to Tom Cruise for a while. But who?

Anyway, I was just thinking of her, as she often sends cruel, unsigned emails to my home. "Stop bootlegging my DVDs," she wrote recently. "Stop impersonating me at parties," she wrote. "Stop prowling my lawns; no way did you lose your pet ferret again," and "bring back the copper piping you pried from my siding."

Whatever. I've had it with trying to make a living. If you need me I'll be at the Ground Round taco bar.

8 Comments:

Blogger Ivan the Terrible said...

Your post is incorrectly titled. As I write it is in fact Tuesday morning. You'll never mount an effective challenge to the MSM with that kind of slap-dash fact-checking. What are you - some kind of liberal?

I don't know that woman's name either, by the way. Wasn't she ginger? That would be why I can't remember her. I refuse to give mental houseroom to those freckled freaks...

10:22 AM  
Anonymous quiggs said...

I believe that's Patricia Neal. Or perhaps Agnes Moorehead. So hard to be certain with those Hollywood types -- insincerity, you see.

5:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was dismayed to discover, Miss Wilberforce-Packard, that Thom Cruise had been married. All my hopes dashed in a moment of cruel enlightenment!

2:53 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

It's that bitch Phyllis Diller, isn't it? I swear, that woman drives me up the fucking wall with her whining e-mails.

10:14 AM  
Blogger kari said...

you were NOT at the taco bar, i looked! where are you? find me!!!

10:37 PM  
Anonymous adolfo_velasquez said...

Nicole Kidman! Nicole Kidman!

Don't pretend you don't see me!

11:40 AM  
Anonymous Shane said...

I've been away.
Something is missing...
Whatever happened to Rafe?
Maybe you had a disagreement over ham or something.

4:58 PM  
Blogger quiggs said...

Happy Birthday, you magnificent old sow!! (I know, it was 2 days ago, but I had bought you some certified heirloom ether, and I had to make sure it was up to snuff. Sorry, there isn't any left.)

9:21 AM  

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