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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

I Don't Want to Hear Stories About Dolphins or Teenagers with Cars

I was just remembering that my mother bought me a beach towel in 1984. I had to bring the beach towel to the municipal pool because I didn’t have a beach.

I would like to add that everyone I knew had her own beach towel (or towels) long before I had a beach towel of my own. This caused me pain. I’m not saying this so that you will counter with your own stories of deprivation and suffering. I don’t want to hear those stories. I want to hear stories about hobos with sinister agendas, or ghost horses that diagnose lymphoma – that sort of thing. I also like stories about old ladies who die and then come back to life in disgust because heaven didn't cover its sofa cushions with plastic.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you're back!

10:10 AM  
Blogger Ivan the Terrible said...

"it's"? "municiple"? Where's the real Esther, you illiterate troll? How dare you sully her good name with your feeble scribblings...

Or maybe it's just that your spell-check is on the blink. No worries then. I have a fantastic story about a horse who has been diagnosed with terminal hobos who spree-kills sinister old ladies. But I can't tell you how it ends yet 'cos the horse keeps dropping the knife, silly old tramp-nag. No opposable thumbs, see?

Opposable thumbs are the hall-mark of all good story-telling.

4:05 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

Look, shut up. Why can't you be more like ecalos? After I fix those errors, you will look silly, not me. Nobudy will know what your talking about;

4:20 PM  
Blogger Ivan the Terrible said...

Argh! My humiliation is complete. I go now to cast myself upon the serrated blade of my noble yet frustratingly ineffective serial-killer steed.

I hope to be remembered as a good man, a man who strove to leave the world a better place than he found it. Or at least a better spelt and more grammatical place, which is close enough for interweb purposes. Don't cry for me, Apostrophe...

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, for the welcome flutterings of the jibber-jabber, how I miss them. (but not the cats)

7:53 PM  

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