The Nation Gasps as I Create My First Scotch Label

I now own a Scotch Brand Labeler. It is old, but how old? Here's how old: older than medical recognition of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, which is the condition I acquired after three minutes with the machine. I'm not complaining. I'm not very adept with the technology yet, either. My first red label reads "DUDESMELL L MYYY JARR."