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Saturday, October 02, 2004

Consider This

I don’t like to see monkeys riding other animals. It makes me bitterly sad. I am serious about this one! Do not bring your monkey cowboy over to my ranch! I will not let you in. The monkey can come in for tea, if he’s been taught basic table manners. If I notice that you are a poor monkey custodian, I may commandeer your monkey and teach him how to fish. He can feed himself and live on my land. I will buy him a pink playhouse, and I will insulate it so that he can live by the river year round. I will hook up all the usual utilities so that he can have hot showers and a clock radio. He can have a stove for heat and a range for cooking. Do you know what I won’t give him? A riding dog. And let me tell you, if I ever catch my river monkey riding my dog, I will have some PRETTY SEVERE words for him.

2 Comments:

Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

There is no denying the existence of a strong Pro-Whiplash lobby. I cannot fight you alone. I will fight you 10 years hence, when I have amassed my army of disenfranchised river monkeys. We will make war. It will be like the War of Northern Aggression, but with river monkeys, and without the Northern Aggression. We will undoubtedly lose. Our agrarian economy will be no match for your superior brains and infrastructure. Decades later, our flag will decorate the roof of an orange action-comedy car with a musical horn.

11:41 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

Sir, I commend you on a vision both compelling and worrisome. I fear for my monkeys and their shiftless progeny. I blame myself. I also blame the demon rum.

10:23 PM  

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