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Monday, November 29, 2004

Apples

One thing I like about my blog is that I don't have to type about news or crimes, like journalists do. I am under no obligation to invent insufferable characters and place them in loathsome situations, like novelists and journalists do. I can type a post about anything. Frinstance, this post is called APPLES. It is about apples.

I say, what about apples? You can rinse off an apple and pop it down your gullet, just like that. If you no longer swallow your food whole, you can chew, chew, chew the night away - just you and your apple. You can take your apple on public transportation, or you can place your apple in the passenger side of your Ford Squallour, and drive in the carpool lane. You can hand your apple to a hobo, or whip it at a kidnapper. You can lob your apple onto the basketball court at an NBA game. Your apple is likely to make it through airport security, unless you threaten to kill someone with it. Keep your mouth shut, that's what I always say. You can't kill someone with an apple if you lark about in your monocle and cape, raving of apple killin'. You'll be waylaid and questioned, or arrested and strapped into a gurney.

If you are an actress, you can name your child Apple, and Apple will receive a gratis library of picture books from Oprah Winfrey.

Here endeth the post "Apples."

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