I've Returned For Your Sake, and Your Sake Alone

After four years of stalwart service to me (and to the socially inept peeples who ask and are permitted to "use" my mobile phone) the battery in my voice-exchanging implement has at last gone inalterably dead. Is it better to say "inalterably dead," or just "dead?" My, those adverbs are a bugbear. One never knows. Anything.

My phone is dead and I am considering going without. Others will resort to mailing me actual paper correspondence, or not, as my email lies neglected at the bottom of my lilypad-clogged, file-smeared desktop pond.

Cripes, nobody calls me anyway! It's a good thing that I care about NOTHING. I don't even care about this keypad. Keypad? Screw you! I douse you in celebratory tea! hssssssssssssss

I gueeee e ss theeeeeese eez goodbyyyyyyyyyye forvvr!