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Tuesday, May 17, 2005

No Centipedes

I just saw a spider run across my floor. I am firmly opposed to this sort of thing, this spider-running. If you spiders insist on entering my home, you must not run across my floor. And if you must run, you had better be running after a centipede with murder on your mind, as I fucking cannot abide centipedes. I don't care if they dash like mad or lurk casually - centipedes are sinister, unholy assholes who ought to be smashed on sight unless they can demonstrate some sort of redemptive social skill, e.g. perhaps if a particular centipede can play several tiny guitars at once, he ought to be permitted to hire a manager and travel the country showcasing his musical ability in a feel-good vaudevillian extravaganza the likes of which we have never seen and are unlikely to see until Menudo resurfaces and joins forces with Gallagher, Roller Derby, and The Traveling Wilburys to fight the 104th Pennsylvania Volunteer Infantry Civil War Reenactors with live ammunition.


Blogger kenju said...

Menudo, Gallagher, Roller Derby and the travelling Wilburys, huh? That I'd like to see!

3:09 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

Are we talking the Ricky Martin-era Menudo? Because I would pay a lot to see him take a musket ball to the skull.

4:58 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Is this Menudo the lining of the beef stomach or some other gutsy guy? I need to know for my term paper.

(Another classic, Esther.)

7:42 PM  
Blogger M said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:07 PM  
Blogger M said...

I once saw a centipede throw down on a crocodile. Bad, bad centipedes.

9:08 PM  
Blogger Shane said...

Give a centipede an inch, and he'll take a yard. Your vaudevillian whimsy shows much too much compassion.

6:01 AM  
Blogger Patriot Xeno said...

This is a good site, I'm gonna have to start coming here more often.

Nice work.

4:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey there, I was just passing through when I started reading some of this. (DON'T ask me how I got here, I forgot.) Anyway, wonderful writing!

And if ever find that place where you can carry a rifle down the street let me know. I want to go there.

11:50 PM  
Blogger Bisbe Llem Gratulls said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:35 PM  
Blogger Bisbe Llem Gratulls said...

centipedes are cute! and beneficial, and they eat spiders, and frighten creeps, and women and girls (gigi's grandmother dixit) aren't really afraid of those tiny marvels of nature. they just scream, the f. girls, so that the male of the species can feel worthy and chivalrous.

12:38 PM  
Anonymous SJ said...

I heard that a centipede once murdered a transient and....did things with his skin.

9:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Menudo. wasn't that a group from the
Phillipines, or maybe Spain ?
From about the eighties i think.


11:23 AM  

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