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Sunday, December 30, 2007

Avant Garde Gothic Condensed Medium, or Trebuchet Narrow, or Some Such Shit

I’ve decided to adopt a new font for my private correspondence. I have also decided that, when the snow recedes, I will find a new stick. My old stick is decrepit. It’s cracked, it has lichen, the end I wrap in flaming kerosene-soaked rags is misshapen. Embarrassing. All I’m saying is, next time we forge a bloodthirsty mob, don’t judge me by my old stick. I’m as angry as the next man, and so help me god my new stick will reflect this.


Blogger Ivan the Terrible said...

To ensure that your new stick properly reflects your anger, I suggest affixing a small mirror. That way, no matter how bloodthirsty the mob, you can adjust your features to match, while subtly adjusting coiffure and make-up.

Not many people can get away with Dior at a lynching, but you do. Faaaaaabulous, darling...

7:33 AM  
Blogger Pile On® said...

Where do you get kerosene these days. Every time I inquire at the Piggly Wiggly they look at me like I have lost my noodles.

5:48 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

Funny that you ask, because until recently I distilled my own. Then Rafe launched a stock pot full of cats into the room and toppled the whole setup. The cats are fine, etc., and I now order my kerosene direct from India.

12:52 PM  
Anonymous GeorgeBernard SanSerif said...

I just ask for jet fuel.

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Rob Miles said...

Adopting a font is quite fashionable now. We took in a "Franklin Gothic Demi" some time ago and he lends a certain gravitas to our evening soirees. Actually, if you want to borrow some gravitas, I've not got two full buckets...

10:11 AM  

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