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Sunday, December 30, 2007

Avant Garde Gothic Condensed Medium, or Trebuchet Narrow, or Some Such Shit

I’ve decided to adopt a new font for my private correspondence. I have also decided that, when the snow recedes, I will find a new stick. My old stick is decrepit. It’s cracked, it has lichen, the end I wrap in flaming kerosene-soaked rags is misshapen. Embarrassing. All I’m saying is, next time we forge a bloodthirsty mob, don’t judge me by my old stick. I’m as angry as the next man, and so help me god my new stick will reflect this.

5 Comments:

Blogger Ivan the Terrible said...

To ensure that your new stick properly reflects your anger, I suggest affixing a small mirror. That way, no matter how bloodthirsty the mob, you can adjust your features to match, while subtly adjusting coiffure and make-up.

Not many people can get away with Dior at a lynching, but you do. Faaaaaabulous, darling...

7:33 AM  
Blogger Pile On® said...

Where do you get kerosene these days. Every time I inquire at the Piggly Wiggly they look at me like I have lost my noodles.

5:48 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

Funny that you ask, because until recently I distilled my own. Then Rafe launched a stock pot full of cats into the room and toppled the whole setup. The cats are fine, etc., and I now order my kerosene direct from India.

12:52 PM  
Anonymous GeorgeBernard SanSerif said...

I just ask for jet fuel.

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Rob Miles said...

Adopting a font is quite fashionable now. We took in a "Franklin Gothic Demi" some time ago and he lends a certain gravitas to our evening soirees. Actually, if you want to borrow some gravitas, I've not got two full buckets...

10:11 AM  

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