Beware Jumpy Strangers Bearing Semolina

When I walk into my kitchen, I expect to be greeted with grace and decorum - or better yet, with the silence of the hams. I do not expect to have a pot of boiling water thrown at me. It's my house. If you want to boil some macaroni at my house, ask me first. Do not break into my home with a package of macaroni and a dream. And do not throw the boiling water at me when I walk into the kitchen. You startle too easily.