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Friday, January 21, 2005

Haughty Government Scientists Strive to Keep Smokers Off Paradise Titan

Lies, distortion, and more lies. Titan is fully inhabitable, and the scientists know it as well as I do. They're just biding their time while they work with Chuck Grassley on legislation to keep the smokers off Titan. "Flammable Titan," they say. "Just one spark could set the place ablaze," they say. Good one. Just wait, friends. When Earth goes moribund on us, all the "healthy" people will ride the spaceship to green "gassy" Titan. But there will be no pleasure space trip for the impenitent smokers. Smokers will have to stay rooted on dying earth, with its crappy plumbing and unnecessary jowl surgery and bogus colon-cancer screening tests. All because paradise is "flammable." If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.


Blogger Misspent Life said...

(Insert Andy Rooney voice)

"Is it just me, or does Chuck Grassley look like the crotchety old man that dressed up like a ghost or voodoo monster on Scooby Doo."

Seriously, you gotta give the man props for getting the old school Senator look down pat. Kevin Klein should play him in the movie of his life. I could see him digging the aging makeup.

Seriously again, what kind of a joke state is Iowa anyway? Dude.

9:17 PM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

I see what you are saying re: Grassley, though I must admit that I would never be so bold as to scorn the entire state of Iowa outright. I would save that scorn for Wisconsin or Minnesota; Iowans do not "talk funny" like the Minnesotans or the Wisconsinoids, and they never say "Oh, fer stooped." What I will say is that Iowa has the meanest, tannest dance instructors in America. I may be misinformed about this, as I have never had a dance instructor who was not from Iowa. It is possible that Texas or New Mexico has meaner, tanner dance instructors than Iowa has. But I doubt it.

10:47 PM  

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