I Paused Mid-Bite in Order to Disdain the Poor

I considered leaving you all hanging until Monday, but I had lurid nightmares and intolerable pangs of guilt; I knew I had to post something posthaste. You cannot pace the blog lobby all weekend like a sobbing, ghastly ER patient, your arm in a sling, a gash in your side. No. You are a Topic Drift reader. You need help now. You will not wait.

This evening I ate a cookie that had melted Butterfinger bits in it. I abhor Butterfingers; they are filthy candies smelted deep in the smithies of Hephaestus and smuggled to the surface on the backs of slouching sinners stinking of chowder and death. But melt these foul Butterfingers into a cookie and you have a treat worthy of a robber baron. I am an aspiring robber baron, so I ate two, and I paused mid-bite to express disdain for the poor in their urban squalor. "The public be damned!" I shouted as I shook my fist in the air, crumbs spraying everywhere.

Note: I realize this post is bloated and irritating, but in keeping with my new robber baron aspirations, I am posting it anyway. The public be damned, etc.