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Thursday, February 24, 2005

Is this Blog Sleeping, or Just Resting its Eyes?

Sorry for the eerie silence, but I've been busy hiding artifacts all over my land. These artifacts are meant to look old and valuable; my goal is to plant the remains of an entire ancient village under my turf. Then I aim to call a local news tipline and tell them I'm living on the remains of an ancient village. "Looks to be Mayan or something," I will tell them. When the guys come by with their cameras, I will dig up a few artifacts for them. While the camera crews are pouring over my artifacts, I will drive off in one of their news vans. "You'll never catch me alive!" I'll holler out the window as I peel off. A car chase will follow. This will make a fantastic news story, I think, especially if I can get away from the chase long enough to spray "Free James Brown" on the side of the van. Later, people will say, "James Brown isn't in jail," and I will reply, "I meant to write 'Free Michael Jackson' but I couldn't remember if he spells his name with a J or a G, so I just went with some other name entirely." Then, before they can tell me that Michael jackson isn't in jail either, I will throw a handful of white flour on the crowd and, in the ensuing confusion, I will drive off in another news van. Rinse. Repeat. Fantastic endless news story.


Blogger noisy ghost said...

I would even watch CNN to see that.

10:33 AM  
Blogger Lady Rosemary said...

Very good Esther. May I join your force as your purple caped green spandex wearing sidekick??

11:25 AM  
Anonymous stephenesque said...

How about writing "Free Roky Erikson" - now he MIGHT still be in jail!

12:32 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

As a member of the Global Media Conspiracy, I thank you for giving us something to report on. If it is at all possible, I wonder if you could work some sort of terrorism angle into all of this -- that seems to be really good for numbers these days.

Oh, and a cute autistic child.

And last I checked, you are not pregnant, but perhaps you should be -- then we can work some sort of Amber Alert angle, as well.

And don't steal the satellite trucks -- they get awful gas mileage.

12:56 PM  
Anonymous Johnny - Oh said...

I've often posited that when I go on my "nine-state-killing-spree" (It's not a true "Spree" until it ranges over more than seven states, I'm told.)I'll make it interesting. Not only for the investigators, but also for the media. I intend that if they put a push-pin into a map wherever a body is found, that eventually the pins will form letters to spell out something lewd. Or "Eat at Joe's", I haven't made up my mind yet. (Joe's check hasn't cleared the bank yet) One of my credit cards still has (at least) $30.00 left on it before it maxes out, so if you'd be willing to spirit me across the border in one of your illicit vehicles, I'd be happy to spring for additional fuel, or a fine taco dinner. Your choice.

8:49 PM  

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