Is this Blog Sleeping, or Just Resting its Eyes?
Sorry for the eerie silence, but I've been busy hiding artifacts all over my land. These artifacts are meant to look old and valuable; my goal is to plant the remains of an entire ancient village under my turf. Then I aim to call a local news tipline and tell them I'm living on the remains of an ancient village. "Looks to be Mayan or something," I will tell them. When the guys come by with their cameras, I will dig up a few artifacts for them. While the camera crews are pouring over my artifacts, I will drive off in one of their news vans. "You'll never catch me alive!" I'll holler out the window as I peel off. A car chase will follow. This will make a fantastic news story, I think, especially if I can get away from the chase long enough to spray "Free James Brown" on the side of the van. Later, people will say, "James Brown isn't in jail," and I will reply, "I meant to write 'Free Michael Jackson' but I couldn't remember if he spells his name with a J or a G, so I just went with some other name entirely." Then, before they can tell me that Michael jackson isn't in jail either, I will throw a handful of white flour on the crowd and, in the ensuing confusion, I will drive off in another news van. Rinse. Repeat. Fantastic endless news story.