I was just perusing some clay tablets I found in the carport, and I’ve discovered something that I think will interest you. Ancient Sumerian wisdom has it that "When the going gets tough, something something something Enkidu something." (The tablet is kind of destroyed on one side.) The context clues lead me to believe that the missing bits have to do with acquiring the proper mulch to produce an adequate pH level in your soil. I’ve also found a passage regarding pigs, and how they’re just as friendly as dogs, though slightly less likely to protect your reed hut from impetuous women and vague guys selling candy bars.