Word Problem, 12 points
Today I baked twelve pies. I put two pies on a westbound train headed north at 5 knots; I put the remaining ten pies (blueberry, all of them) on a eastbound train headed south at 120 mph. Both trains began their journey in the same town. What time did the trains collide underwater, and how many hobos shat out their tapeworms due to my use of Mom's Blueberry Baking Sauce (currently found in the cleaner aisle under the misleading moniker "Lysol Disinfectant All-Purpose Cleaner in Island Breeze")? In which city did the trains collide, and what flavor were the two pies in the first train? Finally, what must man do to win the trust of an angry god? No calculators - show your work.