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Monday, February 20, 2006

On Ralph Waldo Emerson

1
"Let not a man guard his dignity, but let his dignity guard him," said Ralph Waldo Emerson, probably while sitting on the can, eating pistachios out of a paper sack. Dignity isn't a given; it's often a taken, and then the guy's off a-runnin'. Will you catch him? Not in those shoes you won't.

2
While I believe that he meant well, I do not believe that Ralph Waldo Emerson was a good painter. Did he paint, and if so, oils or houses? I don't know. You wait here while I do a Google search.

3
A famous quotation of Emerson's goes a little like this: "A friend is one before whom I may think aloud." Pffuh. You know as well as I do that this man had no friends. Shut up, Ralph Waldo Emerson. Nobody likes a blabbermouth. Try to be the one who's interested in other people; everyone likes that guy. Plus, he's usually a pushover who'll buy you a drink.

4
Finally he says something we can all agree upon: "Children are all foreigners." And all foreigners are children, I do think. We keep things simple.

5
Ho! This one is positively cake-taking! "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." No sane man would postulate such balderdash. If you leave a trail on my land, so help me god I will find you and I will cut you. First, of course, I must buy land. Watch this space.

5 Comments:

Blogger kyla said...

Under what circumstances does a person come across Ralph Waldo Emerson thus? I want to know because it seems like a good way to encounter famous and classical folk, and desembowel them, with love.

4:20 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Did you know we have a Waldo Lake in Oregon? It hasn't been credited with any pithy sayings, but nobody has left any footprints on it, either.

10:52 AM  
Blogger Mrs. J said...

Perfect. I adore transcendentalist bashing along with my morning coffee.

11:14 AM  
Anonymous Paul said...

Why hast thou abandoned us, thoust lieges multiplipitous! Hark! Thou hast not posted a comment on ye ole blogger for quite some time now! Hurry back, missey, for if you fail to be timely I may be forced to vex you with my charms!

8:39 PM  
Anonymous Paul said...

IT'S BEEN A WEEK...
Seriously people, an entire week! We're worried aboutchoo!
Where's Esther At?

4:57 PM  

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