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Monday, March 20, 2006

It Makes a World of Difference

I just thought up a fantastic story about a king who likes fox hunting, but then one day he is poisoned by a can of jumbo sardines. He doesn't actually eat the sardines, he only holds the tin in his hand. The tin is coated with touch-poison.

Touch-poison is my favorite poison, though I am also fond of ear-poison. Ear poison is a type of touch-poison, but it has to go into the ear. That’s why they call it ear poison.

I had a couple more thoughts I wanted to share with you about ear poison, but my microwave peach cobbler just dinged.

6 Comments:

Anonymous adolfo velasquez said...

I like blow dart poison, but it takes some practice. My cat is covered with bandaids and won't come out of the bathroom cabinet.

8:09 AM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

Oh, you are too vile.

8:14 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Finally, I found an expert!!

So, Ms. Expert, please tell me this:

Does the stomach poison go ON or IN the stomach?

Please answer before my cobbler is done.

10:22 AM  
Blogger Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

That depends on whether you're using touch-poison or comestible poison. If by “stomach” you mean “abdomen,” you’re going to want to use touch-poison. If you want the poison to literally reach the stomach, try the comestible poison. I do not advise employing either poison, however; I recommend settling disputes with a thumb wrestle.

11:17 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Ah, Esther, you are so wise....

12:47 PM  
Blogger Claudius said...

I can attest to the effectiveness of ear poison. I used on my brother and no one suspected a thing. I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for his meddling ghost.

1:41 PM  

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