I May Never Find My Hat

Was out searching for my hat today when I saw someone peeking at me from behind an oak. I investigated immediately - to my horror, it was a ghastly mime! I was so shocked that I slapped his face. He made no sound; he merely held his cheek and gaped at me with his dreadful, sad white face. So I slapped him again. Still nothing, no response. I had his white makeup all over my palm, so I wiped it on his lapel. Then I told him to get off my land or I'll release the dogs. He looked heartbroken and he slouched away in the direction of the river. Probably going to drown himself, I thought. Good riddance.

I never did find my hat. Stupid mime.