Cry and You Cry Alone

I used to be like you. I used to wake in the morning and crank open my blinds in despair. But I’ve changed. Now that Nicky Hilton is married, I have a new lease on life. I am so into being alive and awake that today I literally tore the blinds from the window, punched through the exposed screen, grabbed the cooling pie from my neighbor’s window and smashed it on my face - that’s how excited I am about Nicky Hilton’s marriage. When I first heard the news, I broke two lamps and kicked over my stove. That snapped the gas line, so lets hope nobody lights the commemorative cigars I’m distributing.