I Spoil and Clarify

Owain is writing a book. He’d like nothing better than for me to keep quiet about it, but I’m going to give the plot away, because I cannot keep a secret. His book is about a man who gets stuck in his tractor. His tractor seat caves in at an angle, causing the underseat to pop up and grab on to his thigh. “No sweat,” he thinks, “I’ll just drive home and get Nan to help me out of this.” What he does not realize is that Nan is stuck in a tree. She had tried to retrieve the laundry that had blown up into the tree from the lines below. Since it was a pine tree, nobody could see her, what with the thick pine and all. Plus, she was all messed up on opiates. “No sweat,” said Nan, “When Bur gets back, he’ll free me.” Do you see where this is going? No, you don’t. Their farm is very isolated. Well, that’s what the book is about. It’s actually a series of books. About magicians getting on in the city. Oh yes, and when Bur’s tractor pulls up into the farmyard, Nan starts yelling and Bur starts hollering, and their voices drown each other out. Solve that one, Angela Lansbury! It’s not so easy when there’s no body, is it?

Nb: If you ever read his book, and you find that the story differs from the one I’ve just related, remember that your reading comprehension skills are probably very poor. You could also blame me for making it all up. Because now I can't remember if this is his book or not. In fact, I think this story actually happened, and had nothing to do with Owain. I might have heard it on Dr. Phil. No, I don't watch Dr. Phil. Very mysterious. Let's eat.