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Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Typing, Who Cares

I had a post prepared for today, but I couldn't be bothered to type it. I wrote it on paper. Stupid! Never write anything on paper! Who did I imagine would type it for me - my secretary? I don't have a secretary! I used to have a secretary, but I sacked her when she developed tinnitus and a chronic nose whistle. Also, she refused to leave my office and she grew increasingly intractable as the weeks wore on. "Go fetch me a coffee," I'd say. "I would prefer not to," she'd say. Fuh?! She'd prefer not to! "Type this crap I wrote," I'd say. "I'd prefer not to," she'd reply. Fucking hell, she wouldn't do her assigned work and she wouldn't leave the office! Eventually I relocated to a new office and left her behind at the old office. Fucking mare's nest. She died in prison. Starved to death - which is, funnily enough, how I'll die if I don't hire a cook. I had to sack my old cook because she wouldn't leave the kitchen and she wouldn't cook me dinner. "Cook me some damn ribs," I'd shriek. "I would prefer not to," she'd roar. Eventually I had to move house to escape her. Pity. She died in prison also.


Anonymous Patriot Xeno said...

Bloody secretaries.

7:28 AM  
Blogger Squander Two said...

I had no idea you knew my family.

11:27 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

I think you've solved the unemployment problem. The "I would prefer not to" class can hire substitutes to do their work, thereby putting two people on a job that one can do. If everybody in the country could get a sub to do their work, we would need to import more foreigners. But full employment would ensue. That's as good as it gets. Nice work, Esther.

1:15 PM  
Blogger Rob Miles said...

Next time you have this problem, ask them to say "I'd Prefer Not To". With a bit of luck you can watch their heads explode.

1:51 PM  
Anonymous Adolpho Velasquez said...

Dear God, I hate Herman Melville.

2:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


7:03 PM  

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