In Case You Don't Speak French, "Le Soleil" means "The Magnificent Fish"

I just looked at a major Canadian newspaper online. It turns out the Canadians are on the verge of attacking us. They seem to believe that we are using the shiny side of our iPods to direct massive doses of our extra UVA and UVB rays across the border and into their canneries. This causes the Canadian canneries much "garmonbozia," according to leading analysts, though what these analysts are actually studying remains a mystery. The entire article is nonsense, of course, and is related to other sorts of Canadian nonsense, of which Mountie brutality and incompetence are the chiefest. "Perhaps if these Mounties would put down their 'People Magazines' and their 'Race Profiling for Dummies' and their 'Archie Comics' for a few minutes, they could work on deflecting these harmful rays back into America - or better yet, deflecting these rays through America and into Mexico. Mexico is the real enemy," said Don Jeff, the Italian I spoke to on the phone. Don't know who Don Jeff is, or why he phoned me with this information, but I feel that it is important that I pass it on to you. "Consider the source," some people say, though I would never say that. "Disregard the source, all information is created equal" - that's what I always say; in fact, I have it engraved on a belt buckle. Anyway, I don't have an iPod, so none of this particularly chafes my hide.