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Sunday, June 22, 2008

Hospitality; Mice Films

I just finished gluing all of the pages of The Grapes of Wrath shut. Last night I glued some Raymond Carver, Don Delillo and The Color Purple. I’m not going to read these again and I don’t want anyone else reading them, either – they’re going straight to the guest room nightstand. I may even glue the volumes together so that Fat Old Molly has one dustable object instead of four.

I say, what do you think of Stuart Little? While I’m impressed with his carmanship, he holds but a small place in my heart. I have no patience for Mickey, Minnie, those three blind assholes, Fivel, Mighty, and Jerry. I do like the Rescuers, however. When it comes to screen mice, I look for intrepid self-starters who wear cape-free human clothing while delivering children from swamps. I also appreciate mice films that feature large, skull-encased diamonds. Yes, The Rescuers is where it’s at.

6 Comments:

Blogger Ivan the Terrible said...

You glued the pages shut? Bugger! I wish I'd thought of that when someone gave me a copy of Ulysses. That little tip would have saved me a lot of tedium. Added bonus - you get to sniff the fumes!

Of course, for truly objectionable works, the only rational response is to track down the author and shove it up his or her fatuous behind. If you still think Salman Rushdie is hiding from a fatwa, I have a specially-braced hardback first edition of Midnight's Children that says you're wrong...

9:21 PM  
Blogger Rob Miles said...

It has always struck me that fate dealt Stuart Little the supreme double irony of being both very small and having the surname "Little". Mind you, he is the only mouse I know of that actually has a surname, which is a step up I suppose.

7:03 AM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

The Rescuers wins if not simply for the fact that Bob Newhart voices a character. Everyone's a winner when Bob's involved.

3:37 AM  
Blogger Mia Wolff said...

...you forget the fantastic illustrations in The Rescuers. My copy has remained unglued from my childhood to this day...

7:57 AM  
Blogger Shane said...

It is down to your kindness - such volume-gluing kindness - that Fat Old Molly is so very fat. Perhaps by being a little more cruel to yourself (how important is the gluing?), you might be a little more kind to Molly...

Dusting = Fitness
Gluing = Fatness

If only poor old Moll's stupidity weren't so damned hard-wired.

The Rescuers?... Was that the Shia TheBeef film?

4:58 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

If you have any left over, you can glue the pockets of your tuxedo shut.

5:02 PM  

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